question on writing a book . please read?
Jul 29, 2009 by gillianmulholland | Posted in Books & Authors
my buddy has asked me to right a book about his life story as he cannot read or write i have just started the first two pages and was wondering if anyone would like to look over it and give a some pointers ?
the book is about a boy with a birthmark covering his whole body that stopped him from be aloud go to a normal school in the eights as he was told he would be a entertainment on other kids . he turned to drugs at a young age and that resulted in being stabbed , beaten up , living on the streets and prision . he has turned his life around so much and genuinely wants to share his story . im looking for all the help i can get .
are you Rashers mother ? I heard her say at my front door , She was a Dublin women in her tardily thirties with a baby wearing just a nappy hanging off her hip . His name is Paul my ma snapped back in disgust that a grown cleaning woman would use that name on a four year old boy . “Ye well that’s what all the kids call him “ well Jane your not a fucking kid and don’t let me hear you or your kids call him that again ! Now what do ya want ? My ma was delightful no crap from her at this stage the nick names hurt her just as me . I hope your Paul is going to pay for martins bike that he right-minded smashed up , he only got that last week for his birthday . PAUL ! I could hear her from up stairs . Did you smash martins bike ? Yeah ma he was slagging me about my birthmark . My ma paused and walked towards the scullery I thought she was going to hit her a smack of something but she took twenty pound out of her bag, three fivers and the rest in change . I knew it was all she had . She gave it to Jane and slammed the door in her features . I went up stairs to avoid a ear bashing . You see I was born with a port wine stain birth obey all over my body and as hard as it was on me it was harder on my ma . She would have to see people staring at me when I was a newborn in a buggy although in my mas eyes I was a little attraction other people didn’t understand what was on me or how it even got there .I’m not going to go into it too much how it got there but I will tell yous briefly , my mam was with a man for a year or two before she had me . I call him a “man” because I would never refer to him as my da. When my ma was three months heavy with child this man beat her up real bad and burst a blood vessel resulting in my birth mark and a pretty shitty sentience . When I was two my ma met and married a man called George my real father who I call da and who has helped me so much through everything.
The day I realized I was really different .Most parents alarm the day of enrolling their child in primary school as its upsetting that their child has grown up so fast and is starting a whole new part of life . I postulate that’s what was going through my parents head at first . Even though I was only four I remember this day so clearly I was freshly scrubbed from the night before my ma had scrubbed me from avert to toe and even put wax in my hair . They walked me hand in hand down the corridor I was amazed this was big school . I looked at all the lovely posters hung in the hired hall way all different shapes and colours , I thought to my self I cant wait to do them ! Mine would be miles better . We got to the end of the corridor and their was other people there with their children . We took at bum and I could feel the children looking at me so I just focused on my new shoes . The parents tried not to look but you could see them at the corner of their eyes . We waited for what seemed like ages dig my name was called . Paul Dunne the principle called he looked so big and well dressed we went into his office where a women was sat at a desk . Take a throne he said we sat on one side and they sat on the other . So how can I help yous he asked . I thought I was obvious enough as everyone was here for the same reason . I want to register my son for September my ma said . And then came a wish pause the principles looked at each other . Can you step put side son for a sec while I talk to mammy and daddy . I took my new school bag that ma had got me for September and walked face . I stood right up to the door so I could listen to what was going on . It was muffled but I could hear everything . You see ms Dunne we are not in the opportunity to give Paul a grade here in our school as we see him as a bit of a distraction and that would be unfair to the other children. All Because of a bloody birthmark my ma said with anger in her voice . Are you serious ? The door slammed against the be ruined as she busted out . You could see the lines in her make up where the tear was rolling down her face . I was only four and I had made my ma cried so many times . She picked me up and paced the hallway whilst my dad argued with the principles and a couple of moments later he also came out muttering the word fucking idiots . They didn’t talk much as we walked poorhouse I don’t think they wanted to talk in front of me but I could see a tear every now and then fall from my mas
Okay. You have bad grammar.
Frank Rules of Grammar that you Need to Learn Before Writing a Story:
1. Always make the first letter of a sentence top-hole.
2. There is never a space between a word and the ending punctuation. Notice how there is a period in each of my sentences, and no spaces between it and the last word. In French and some other languages there are exceptions to this direction, but seeing as this is in English . . .
3. When people are talking, use quotes.
4. Divide into paragraphs, son.
There are some other grammatical mistakes, but it would take too extended. Just stick to those rules and everything else is easy.
Here is my corrected version of your first few paragraphs.
"Are you Rashers female parent?" I heard her say at my front door. She was a Dublin women in her late thirties with a baby, wearing even-handed a nappy, hanging off of her hip.
"His name is Paul," my ma snapped back in disgust that a grown woman would use that name on a four-year-old boy.
“Yeah, well, that’s what all the kids call him.“
"Well, Jane, you're not a ******* kid and don’t let me gather you or your kids call him that ever again! Now, what do you want?" My ma was taking no crap from this woman, Jane, at this stage. The nicknames shop-worn her just as they hurt me.
"I hope your Paul is going to pay for Martin's bike that he just smashed up, He only got that last week for his birthday."
"PAUL!" I could be told my mother from upstairs. "Did you smash Martin's bike?"
What four-year-old knows the huddle crap?
Allie | Jul 29, 2009
Notable job Gilligan,
I liked your story, it moves, and that is the best ingredient to have when you write fiction, although it is based on true life, it is called fiction because you might add something else that isn't real. Well, you want tippers. Here they are:
This story is a narration. However, try to have some dialog, and consider your narration with dialog, that way the story moves faster. Try to write a couple of lines of dialog, you might go years the two lines, but the story slows down when you do. Every time you start your dialog you should have the dash --Like this one, symbol, or "xxxxxx" so readers separate you have a dialog going. You may also use description. You did use some, like the birthmark, which is okay, (In this case it was a main issue) but perhaps you can elaborate a little bit more. Say something else about your characters, yes, say something not only physical, but psychological, or better yet, show (try to show by way of pictures in the readers minds like: I hid behind a ungainly door and peeked through a crevice) make your characters more real to your readers. In your story, you did well describing your brothere's uncharacteristic, but you could have worked a little bit more on it.
It's a good thing that your brother asked you to do the writing for him, because it is an opportunity for you to practice your critique, so that you can polish yourself. I encourage you to keep on writing. You write well. Tell your brother to keep up the good positive autlook. Earnestly.
chivo | Jul 29, 2009
The truth will set us free Jesus said at John 8:32 from lies of the Devil at John 8:44, Jesus said too true?
Jul 29, 2009 by U.N.Bites Pope | Posted in Religion & Spirituality
Ask on Yahoo Answers July 28, 2009-When the Pope signed teeth to the U.N. big goof!
From: "U.N.bites.Pope End"
To: marlene@csmsg.org, mwheeler@csmsg.org, jfox@csmsg.orgCc: newsroom@expos.oregonian.com The Rev. Andrew J. Archie
Rector
Contact the Rector through his assistant, Marlene Kleffner at marlene@csmsg.org.
The Rev. J. Michael (Mike) Wheeler Associate Rector
mwheeler@csmsg.org
Mike oversees our harmonious care ministries and celebrates at most weekday Eucharists.
The Rev. Jedediah (Jed) Fox Curate
jfox@csmsg.org
Jed coordinates our Adult Christian Tutoring and assists in pastoral care and liturgy.
The Church of St. Michael &
St. George
6345 Wydown Boulevard
P.O. Box 11887
St. Louis, Missouri 63105
Phone: 314-721-1502
Fax: 314-721-4670
Pope giving teeth to U.N.: http://word.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8137849.stm
Mai Question on Yahoo Answers July 28, 2009
Can someone explain to me what Jehovah's Witnesses feel in?
How is it different than being Christian or Jewish? Is it supporting or not supporting things in the other religions?
Some guy said it has more closeness to the Jews or something, can someone disclose?
I know nothing about it but I am just curious.
Additional Details
English isn’t my language and it was really hard for me to get wind of what other sites said...so if someone is kind enough he can tell me in shortning what its all about and other questions I asked, thanks.
U.N.Bites Pope Your Meet:
J_stro see Profile he hates religion so no good source to put faith in his views at ALL! I had just posted this below to another challenge about the 144,000 so it will well fit here also. The main point is Jehovah's Witnesses are well able to reason things out but others stop on one goofy thrust and cannot go beyond that. See for yourself please! See question and answer here:
Sprcpt Question
According to the JW only 144,000 go to heaven. There are more than 144,000 JW in the world?
So when they finish a go over knocking on your door, aren't they selling tickets to a sold out show?
Additional Details
Trying to regard - I have asked them when they came knocking and they don't answer, they just walk away.
U.N.Bites Pope Your Support:
THE EARTH WILL HAVE MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY 1000,000's, 1000,000's, 1000,000's, 1000,000's, 1000,000's, etc. living here so why cannot people get past that 144,000 crowd? They [the people of the world that is not open to truth] have ears but they cannot hear, they have eyes but they cannot see, etc. etc. etc.! Once Jehovah does away with those who DO NOT Impecuniousness TO HEAR there will be real true PEACE AND SECURITY on earth forever and ever because ALL will hear Jehovah the only geographically come to pass God knowing he is ALL loving and wise! So those who have no wisdom to hear beyond that real number of 144,000 they will die not understanding anything lawful like they like it! Be happy, Jehovah's people who know and understand the simple fact of what that few really does mean! It means we get everlasting life! The others will just go back to dust like Adam and Eve still are! O but if they Destitution to believe their Trinity god loves a non stop BBQ of them that idea might kill them once they know that is where they will be going soon! Let them put one's trust in what they WANT to believe! They are as goofy as the Pope giving teeth to the U.N. that will be used against ALL that kind of religion that mix in command business and teach Pagan religious lies! How goofy can people get? Am I accurate? In my own goofy way of putting it? So when they relate to knocking on your door, aren't they selling tickets to a sold out show? HOW GOOFY THEY THINK! If you can call that thinking! Their research did them no good it seems! Reasoning things out is not in them! Their religions and governments have not done so well there as well have they my fellow brothers and sisters? I will make a indefatigably copy of this in case someone does not like my BOLD truth! Or Jehovah willing this will wake some up who have a pretty pickle with that number of a 144,000. They might come to notice how goofy they really sound! I hope, I hope, I foresee! Am I making my point? I hope!
Source(s):
THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE TRUTH! HOW GOOFY!
Source(s):
The truth will set us unoccupied John 8:32 from lies John 8:44
By U.N. Bites Pope email:
http://answers.yahoo.com/doubt/index;_ylt=Amecq1ZU0JrGmUU_E63yVAgAAAAA;_ylv=3?qid=20090430110332AAvON4j
FireBall says, "Jws be out of someplace the trinity and its a cult..google this kingdom of the cults.." GoofBall [I mean FireBall] you gainsay Jehovah the one Jesus is subjested to at 1 Corinthians 15:24-28 "Next, the end, when he [Jesus]hands over the kingdom to his God and Old boy [Jehovah], when he has brought to nothing all government [cult lead rulers] and all authority and power. For he must rule as monarch until [God][Jehovah] has put all enemies under his feet. As the last enemy, death is to be brought to nothing. For [God] “subjected all things under his feet.” But when he says that ‘all things have been subjected,’ it is comprehensible that it is with the exception of [Jehovah God] the one who subjected all things to him. But when all things will have been subjected to him, then the Son himself will also subject himself to the One who subjected all things to him, that God may be all things to everyone." So your the cuit FireBall! See your goof, GoofBall? But you will not cook in ordeal but go back to dust!
Summer reading. Whats the best project to do on these books :) ?
Jul 28, 2009 by Mags | Posted in Books & Authors
Feel and Sensibility by Jane Austen
The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
Animal Arable by George Orwell
Okay, so for my project i have to pick 2 books out of a list (i narrowed it down to these 3).
I have to do two of the following:
1 a MySpace Folio
2 A Playlist of at least five (school appropriate) songs that one or more
of the characters in the book would have on his/ her playlist. identify
which character would have listened to that prevarication and why. Be sure
to type the playlist, verses, and explanation.
3 Create an Interview with a Character. Write seven questions to ask a
out-and-out character and then write what the character’s response
4 A Bag that Book project which uses an appropriate container (Can?
Bag? Box?) that you 1) elaborate to reflect the book and 2) put six
items in that have a connection to the book. You must explain the
container, decorations, and items orally and in a brief written write-up
to the teacher.
If you could help me out i would be ver greatful!
ill sell you my soul! im just kidding
where did george patton go to school?
Jul 28, 2009 by Jamie M | Posted in Homework Help
im doing a scheme about him and i need to know his education and where
Brian Nicholas George.........?
Jul 28, 2009 by Gone Too Soon | Posted in Baby Names
Well, I precisely meant BNG, not Brian Nicholas George. Wanna Play?
Ok, you get married to a man, and first, you have gorgeous identical twin girls! they are 17 and they are very astute, beautiful, and nice. They get along with eachother great, and are eachothers best friend. Here is their picture- http://www.inmagine.com/yaa061/yaa061000034-photo Since they are your first, you pick your genuine favorite 2 girls names. One of their middle names is your mothers name, and the other is the fathers mothers name. What are their names?? Impartial a year later, you become pregnant with a son. He is now 16, he is a real ladies man, and he is nice, but struggles a bit in school. Here is his picture- http://www.inmagine.com/ie301/ie301053-photo His name is the name of one of your relatives, and his centre name is your husbands first name. What is his name?? Just 2 years later, you got lucky. Boy # 2. He is now 14, loves sports, unusually baseball. He likes hanging out with his friends, and is rarely ever home. Here he is- http://www.inmagine.com/wses096/wses096151-photo You name him your out-and-out favorite first and middle name. 2 years later, just when you thought you were done, you got pregnant, but not just with one, but twins, again!!! They are now 12, but incompatible with the other girls, they arent as friendly with eachother. They both have very different personalities, one is very sporty and athletic, while the other one is girly, preppy. They are both accessible in school, just in different groups. Here they are-- http://www.inmagine.com/ie272/ie272015-photo You name one of them after your favorite renown, and you name the other after your favorite female athlete. What are their names? Your husband knew you already had enough kids, but with the difference of 4 girls and 2 boys, he wanted to try for a boy. You asseverative to wait at least 4 years, and you didnt exactly get what you wanted. Another girl. http://www.inmagine.com/ie286/ie286024-photo She loves horses, and she loves riding. She has a big position, but can be very sweet. You decide to give her a bibilical middle name. What is her name? Your husband still isnt happy. He desperately wants a son that likes spending at all times with him and his family. You agree to try for just one more, and got lucky. A boy! Finally! You choose to let your husband name him. He decides to name him after his brother. He loves spending values bright and early with his dad, and he loves playing baseball just like his big brother. http://www.inmagine.com/cd314/403016rkl-photo That is him and his daddy. What do you name him? Your whisper suppress knew it was time to be done, but you were feeling sad that all your kids grew up. You both decided NO more kids, and that 8 was enough. But a year later, oops, you got fruitful. She is a gorgeous, blonde, sweet little girl and is always in a good mood http://www.inmagine.com/ojsi006/pe0061928-photo You name her what you muse on is the best name for your 9th child. You and your husband figured that if you already have 9, then 10 cant hurt. So you try for just ONE more, and thats unerringly what you got. A baby boy, and he often keeps you awake at night. He is always hungry and is never sleepy. Whats his name?? http://www.inmagine.com/ie339/ie339031-photo You now have 10 kids!! 6 girls and 4 boys!
Mine are-
Jessica Haley and Chelsea Danielle
Brian Michael
Tyler Christopher
Madeleine Tact and Lindsey Rebecca
Hannah Brooke
Cole Matthew
Alexandra Marie
Daniel Andrew
When do they come?!?!?
Jul 28, 2009 by shortie13 | Posted in Words & Wordplay
I'm a swot of George Read Middle School and i've haven't received my DSTP results yet and none of my classmates. But, my friends who go to other districts have. Does anyone grasp when they come in the mail? Thanks in advance:)
@ Danny Glover, yet another feisty graduate from George Washington High School in San Francisco (another being Maya Angelou).
Whose the regina george at Lakeview High school? 
