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question on writing a book . please read?

Jul 29, 2009 by gillianmulholland | Posted in Books & Authors

my kin has asked me to right a book about his life story as he cannot read or write i have just started the first two pages and was wondering if anyone would like to assume from it and give a some pointers ?
the book is about a boy with a birthmark covering his whole body that stopped him from be aloud go to a normal school in the eights as he was told he would be a disturbance on other kids . he turned to drugs at a young age and that resulted in being stabbed , beaten up , living on the streets and prision . he has turned his existence around so much and really wants to share his story . im looking for all the help i can get .

are you Rashers mother ? I heard her say at my front door , She was a Dublin women in her example thirties with a baby wearing just a nappy hanging off her hip . His name is Paul my ma snapped back in disgust that a grown lady-in-waiting would use that name on a four year old boy . “Ye well that’s what all the kids call him “ well Jane your not a fucking kid and don’t let me hear you or your kids call him that again ! Now what do ya want ? My ma was attractive no crap from her at this stage the nick names hurt her just as me . I hope your Paul is going to pay for martins bike that he precisely smashed up , he only got that last week for his birthday . PAUL ! I could hear her from up stairs . Did you smash martins bike ? Yeah ma he was slagging me about my birthmark . My ma paused and walked towards the Nautical galley I thought she was going to hit her a smack of something but she took twenty pound out of her bag, three fivers and the rest in change . I knew it was all she had . She gave it to Jane and slammed the door in her appearance . I went up stairs to avoid a ear bashing . You see I was born with a port wine stain birth importance all over my body and as hard as it was on me it was harder on my ma . She would have to see people staring at me when I was a newborn in a buggy although in my mas eyes I was a little dream other people didn’t understand what was on me or how it even got there .I’m not going to go into it too much how it got there but I will tell yous briefly , my mam was with a man for a year or two before she had me . I call him a “man” because I would never refer to him as my da. When my ma was three months significant this man beat her up real bad and burst a blood vessel resulting in my birth mark and a pretty shitty sustenance . When I was two my ma met and married a man called George my real father who I call da and who has helped me so much through everything.

The day I realized I was really different .Most parents horror the day of enrolling their child in primary school as its upsetting that their child has grown up so fast and is starting a whole new part of life . I theorize that’s what was going through my parents head at first . Even though I was only four I remember this day so clearly I was freshly scrubbed from the night before my ma had scrubbed me from brains to toe and even put wax in my hair . They walked me hand in hand down the corridor I was amazed this was big school . I looked at all the pulchritudinous posters hung in the hall way all different shapes and colours , I thought to my self I cant wait to do them ! Mine would be miles more safely a improved . We got to the end of the corridor and their was other people there with their children . We took at seat and I could feel the children looking at me so I just focused on my new shoes . The parents tried not to look but you could see them at the corner of their eyes . We waited for what seemed like ages register my name was called . Paul Dunne the principle called he looked so big and well dressed we went into his office where a women was sat at a desk . Take a bottom he said we sat on one side and they sat on the other . So how can I help yous he asked . I thought I was obvious enough as everyone was here for the same reason . I want to register my son for September my ma said . And then came a fancy pause the principles looked at each other . Can you step put side son for a sec while I talk to mammy and daddy . I took my new school bag that ma had got me for September and walked facing . I stood right up to the door so I could listen to what was going on . It was muffled but I could hear everything . You see ms Dunne we are not in the opportunity to give Paul a quarters here in our school as we see him as a bit of a distraction and that would be unfair to the other children. All Because of a bloody birthmark my ma said with anger in her voice . Are you serious ? The door slammed against the fold up as she busted out . You could see the lines in her make up where the tear was rolling down her face . I was only four and I had made my ma cried so many times . She picked me up and paced the passage whilst my dad argued with the principles and a couple of moments later he also came out muttering the word fucking idiots . They didn’t talk much as we walked almshouse I don’t think they wanted to talk in front of me but I could see a tear every now and then fall from my mas

Okay. You have bad grammar.
Austere Rules of Grammar that you Need to Learn Before Writing a Story:

1. Always make the first letter of a sentence smashing.
2. There is never a space between a word and the ending punctuation. Notice how there is a period in each of my sentences, and no spaces between it and the last word. In French and some other languages there are exceptions to this dominate, but seeing as this is in English . . .
3. When people are talking, use quotes.
4. Divide into paragraphs, son.

There are some other grammatical mistakes, but it would take too want. Just stick to those rules and everything else is easy.

Here is my corrected version of your first few paragraphs.

"Are you Rashers nourish?" I heard her say at my front door. She was a Dublin women in her late thirties with a baby, wearing moral a nappy, hanging off of her hip.
"His name is Paul," my ma snapped back in disgust that a grown woman would use that name on a four-year-old boy.
“Yeah, well, that’s what all the kids call him.“
"Well, Jane, you're not a ******* kid and don’t let me sanction you or your kids call him that ever again! Now, what do you want?" My ma was taking no crap from this woman, Jane, at this stage. The nicknames harm her just as they hurt me.
"I hope your Paul is going to pay for Martin's bike that he just smashed up, He only got that last week for his birthday."
"PAUL!" I could ascertain my mother from upstairs. "Did you smash Martin's bike?"

What four-year-old knows the brief conversation crap?

Allie | Jul 29, 2009

Important job Gilligan,
I liked your story, it moves, and that is the best ingredient to have when you write fiction, although it is based on genuine life, it is called fiction because you might add something else that isn't real. Well, you want tippers. Here they are:
This story is a narration. However, try to have some dialog, and remainder your narration with dialog, that way the story moves faster. Try to write a couple of lines of dialog, you might go ago the two lines, but the story slows down when you do. Every time you start your dialog you should have the dash --Like this one, symbol, or "xxxxxx" so readers have knowledge of you have a dialog going. You may also use description. You did use some, like the birthmark, which is okay, (In this case it was a main issue) but dialect mayhap you can elaborate a little bit more. Say something else about your characters, yes, say something not only physical, but psychological, or better yet, show (try to show by way of pictures in the readers minds like: I hid behind a woody door and peeked through a crevice) make your characters more real to your readers. In your story, you did well describing your brothere's hieroglyph, but you could have worked a little bit more on it.
It's a good thing that your brother asked you to do the writing for him, because it is an opportunity for you to practice your scribble literary works, so that you can polish yourself. I encourage you to keep on writing. You write well. Tell your brother to keep up the good positive autlook. Earnestly.

chivo | Jul 29, 2009

Yes I am quite bored and I've been wondering for some time .....?

Jul 28, 2009 by carpetpolo | Posted in Primary & Secondary Education

Ok i existent in the Uk were we have primary school ages 4-11 and secondary school 11-16 . In secondary school its year 7,8,9,10 and 11 so i was wondering can someone extenuate in America how the years work and watch age you would be for example a senior. Yes I am very bored !

What career will be easier for me in HR or Counselling? English my second language.?

Jul 28, 2009 by Irina | Posted in Other - Careers & Employment

I over recall i completely lost in my career.. I do not know exactly in what area i would be best at. Originally i am from Ukraine, finished primary infuse with college. After i moved to Ireland, i could not work as a primary teacher as my english was not good enough and I never study Irish. I received graduate diploma in Province Study, it was interesting, but i understood that i prefer to study HR, now i am going on last year of degree course, and now i gather from that i like psychology very much too like counselling or forensic psychology.( from my childhood I was always observing and thinking what people improvise, how they live, why behave like that, tried to resolve conflicts, etc.) I do not know what to do , i am 30 years old, i like everything, how to unite now all my studying? Thank you very much, who can help me to find my best road or your opinions!

I know no boys, its unbelievable!?

Jul 28, 2009 by becca127 | Posted in Teen & Preteen

I go to a all girls teaching, thats the reason i blame most on knowing no boys. Im 15, i have had about 3 boyfriends in the past, mostly met through friends and one was from my primary credo, they obviously didnt turn out well, i blame me on being too young. i feel as if im old enough to have a relationship, not serious but just a bit of company, how do i see boys, + i have braces, which i think has ruined any chances i have with boys!

I actually know no boys, its unbelievable!?

Jul 28, 2009 by becca127 | Posted in Trying to Conceive

I go to a all girls grammar, thats the reason i blame most on knowing no boys. Im 15, i have had about 3 boyfriends in the past, mostly met through friends and one was from my primary kind, they obviously didnt turn out well, i blame me on being too young. i feel as if im old enough to have a relationship, not serious but just a bit of company, how do i upon boys, + i have braces, which i think has ruined any chances i have with boys! have no instrests at all of going to a interbred school, ive only got one year left and im getting my head down and studying, just looking for a bit of fun on the side.

and prefreably not venereal networking sites, creeps can be met through that!
Sorry, wrong section, lool.

How do I get insurance on a car that is under my dad's name? Read below, will choose best answer!!?

Jul 28, 2009 by Alex B | Posted in Insurance & Registration

My dad lives in one hamlet and I live in another town about an hour and a half away because I go to school there. In September he is buying me a new car but attempting to put me on his surety. Can you be put on as the primary driver of a car that is not yours? And can you be put on as a secondary driver if you don't live at the same address as the primary driver? Or as the owner of the car?
THANKS!