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how's my story so far?

Jul 28, 2009 by Alice B | Posted in Books & Authors

critisisms are acceptable. thanks

The throbbing yet irritating pain that was coming from my foot awoke me from my sleep. Brilliant. First day of 8th stage with a broken ankle. People would think that I was a freak looking for attention and sympathy.
As if my life isn’t already abominable. I am accident-prone. I just moved from New Jersey to a small, suburban town in Southern California. I am not socially changed for 8th grade, let alone in a new state, new town, and new school. What else? Oh, right. I can see things before they happen.
The sun finally rose, shining through my window. The develop caused a portion of my hair to turn a shade of red and another light brown. I glanced at the mirror to find my result staring back at me, looking pale as ever. My eyes were bloated, lips were creased, and my cheeks were pink. A plain symptom of first-day-of-school phobia.
I wrapped my cast in plastic, just as the doctor instructed and somehow managed to get in the load down. I quickly washed my hair, using my favorite shampoo. The scent, however, did not help me calm down.
I dressed in my traditional t-shirt and shorts outfit. I couldn’t wear jeans for another two weeks because of my stupid cast. It was joyful outside, (the California weather was getting on my nerves; it was so dry.) so I stuffed a hat in my backpack with all my other school supplies. Patting my tresses with a dry towel, I looked at my computer that I had turned on a few minutes ago.
Woman_of_household: Eat your breakfast, and good luck at coterie, both of you.
Woman_of_household has signed off.
Football+foosball: Bye Mom. Have fun at work. We need paper bags, by the way.
Man_of_household: I’m leaving. Shapely luck at school, kids. I’ll get the bags.
White_cast_24/7: Matt, please turn off that music. Bye Dad.
Man_of_household has signed off
Football+foosball: I’m leaving, Vict. Have fun at primary.
Football+foosball has signed off.
My family communicates through the computer, which is completely awkward to other families. But we’re fine with it. We don’t talk much, with the omission of Matt. He’s always blabbering about foosball, football, wresting, rap, his conglomeration and so on and so forth.
It’s hard to believe that we are literally related by analyzing our personalities. He is optimistic most of the time, a bit loquacious but not socially awkward, kind, incredibly good looking with his short cropped hair, and very solicitious. We didn’t fight at all. We got along well, too well for a brother two years older than his sister.
I, on the other hand, am not a pessimist, but not an optimist either. I am cute much in the middle. I don’t talk much. I am socially awkward; I could never really start a conversations without stuttering in the first five seconds. Unequivalent to Matt, I was plain, because I never really cared about my appearance. My pale skin, pitch black eyes, thin nose, thin lips, and brown whisker screamed “AVERAGE!” each time I looked in the mirror.
Fishing out an apple from the fridge, I looked around. The line was empty now; Mom and Dad were at work, and Matt drove himself to gym before school. I the one without a permit, took the bus to school.
Bus. School.
I had blocked every feeling that related or connected to school. Surprisingly, it had worked. Until now. I couldn’t resist anymore. My eyes drifted, not to snooze, but to unconsciousness and into my vision.
I could see myself falling, stumbling, and dropping my books. Algebra wasn’t bad, except the cranky old fellow, Mr. Stewart. Fortunately, the kids seemed nice. Unfortunately, the Gym coach did not. The school lunch today was vegetarian lasagna with salad.
I saw the dogma from a bird’s eye view now, from the left and from the right. Subconsciously, my hands searched and found writing utensils. I sketched a map of the boarding-school. I couldn’t locate the gymnasium; I assumed that it must be inside one of the school buildings.

I invent this is way good! You should definitely keep writing and get this published! I would buy it for sure! And the thing with talking over the computer with the family is awesome. Did you fitting come up with that or does your family do that?

Very nice.
Keep writing!

Syd | Jul 28, 2009

You have a well-proportioned idea for the story but i think that in some parts you throw in random details...Oh yea i can see things before they happen. Take your reader in and for certain them how, why, can you do it yourself or do they just come to you? Stuff like that.

PB&J | Jul 28, 2009

this is surely good your gonna be a great writer never give up and if and when you go to publish it make sure you have thick skin cause you'll get a lot of the old heave-ho not because its bad but some people just dont see a good story when its right infront of them i hope your dream comes honestly good luck
spnkmnky

spnkmnky | Jul 28, 2009

needs more sex

Brady . | Jul 28, 2009

wow thats excessive but i dont really see where the story is going right now maybe you should give more info on the school like what people in actuality thought of her and her cast or if anyone was actually friend material or something

raymayvl | Jul 28, 2009

I over its really good ,as for the random details,i think their pretty intersting lol,I know that you sayng oh,"i can see things before they upon",it makes the reader want to read on so they can read more details and know more.Whats the tag of this anyway?

Jessica B | Jul 28, 2009

It would be best if it wasn't so wordy. There's too much description in the beginning without a lot of action happening. You need some sort of hook to draw nigh the reader in. It could start with you really describing the pain the main character feels in her foot. Words like throbbing yet irritating determine a bit wonky, perhaps throbbing and irritating? Or just one or the other, they're similar enough.

I like the stuff about the family communicating on the computer. I'm not inevitable what you mean by pitch black eyes, unless this is part of the character's special ability. Which would not scream for the most part, so perhaps you could explain that more. That could be really interesting!

Also if the character's drifting into visions, perhaps it could deal more with her classmates. She could see something unpleasant coming up, something more spellbinding than what's on the menu for lunch. Just a few suggestions! It's an intersting idea, keep working on it!

Erika P | Jul 28, 2009

Counter Puncher Vs. Reach.?

May 21, 9620 by burnaz13 | Posted in Boxing

I am almost 5'10 and i have arms just now about down to my knees.I'm 14 years old..There is a fast slick kid in my gym.I kinda feared him for a while.My coaches are telling me my reach and my rocklike right hand can tear him up but his slipping and countering is good.This guy is the #1 best in the gym,Well,as for children/teenagers go.The #2 greatest kid in the gym who is the tie with this guy told me if i use movement and use my reach i can beat him.His dad even said if i don't let his speed intimidate me and i fight him like i against the bag and go for the body he will shell-up.Everyone is saying i can whoop him but i'm not sure.Everyone is calling me Thomas hearns.and the adults keep messing with me saying "oh you gettin in position for me?" "i was about to fight the hitman hearns". My coaches tell me to throw nothing but 5slug combinations all the time.I watched this guy's mittwork.I noticed that his only power is his left hook.His jabs are Sh!tty and his forthwith hand is average.He;s basically all defense and left hook,so why when we spar it's a different story?

One straightforward reason the sparring sessions are different from what you think they should be. He's not afraid of you and YOU show HIM TOO MUCH respect.

Reach vs Counter Puncher

Thomas Hearns vs Sugar Ray Leonard.

Hearns outboxed Ray for 5 disentangle rounds..........until Ray figured a way to time Hearns' reach.

Why was Hearns able to outbox Leonard? He'd do it every occasionally............or until Ray finds a way past the REACH.

EVERY Style has an Answer.

The way to beat a guy with REACH is to time his punches and bar.

The way to beat a Counter Puncher is to crowd him either with STRENGTH and POWER, the way a shorter fighter might do, OR with a Very Busy Arsenal, ie: keep him involve by throwing a LOT of punches. This doesn't give him much time to counter. Of course you MUST have very good STAMINA to keep this up.

Counter Punchers aren't striking if they can't make you miss. The WORST thing you can do against a Counter Puncher is to NOT throw punches. Throwing one perforate at a time gives him time to Defend and Counter, either by Blocking or Avoiding.

Keep Him Busy and you can keep him off his game. If what you say of him is take, then it's a good idea to avoid the left hook. Move to your left and take away his power. But you also have to know when to move to the right-wing. While moving left, don't underestimate his right. Even if you think it's "average", it can still dismal you if you walk right into it.

Speed Kills. But there is a way to handle it.

Some people are trying to psyche you up and that's good if it works. However, NONE of that will vocation if you continue to show Fear.

I wish you luck.