Were taught at an early age that pre-eminence is everything. That looking great like the supermodels we see on television is what I’m supposed to look like. And if I’m not, then I won’t be loved.
Chapter 1;
I sat on the gigantic log near the creek, holding Sarah by her feet. Her head was facing the creek’s cold examination, and I was sure that her screaming could be heard threw the whole tiny town.
“Just shut up already! I’ll pull you up.” I whispered, frustrating with all my strength. I knew that if I got someone for help, we would be in deep trouble for coming. Also, there was no way I could leave where I was standing without dropping her, unmistakeably.
It wasn’t very hard, since I was just a little heavier and taller then her skinny body and short peak.
“You need to listen to me… we aren’t coming back here again. Actually, I really don’t care if you do, as for me, I won’t.” she shrugged off my darbies that was resting on her shoulder.
I slowly walked with her, watching as she stomped off to her house. I followed her around the back.
The back of the house was our ‘arcane hide out’ along with the creek’s clearing above. It’s our hideout from the world; the world we live in which is all about how we look, and if were in vogue or not. Of course, we are, otherwise we wouldn’t have any reason to hide.
Up where her clubhouse stood, we sat out the supplies that her mother had given us. She was dark; richer then me, and that is saying a lot.
I got out a few chairs; she turned on the cable TV, and the sleeping bags.
I guess we were having a sleepover.
We didn’t talk to each other while we got out the other things; and I went to my edifice to get snacks while she went to hers.
The house of which I lived in was a chaos; mom was screaming at my older sister, my dad was screaming at her; and our alluring house was ruined with clutter. I snuck past all the noise, and quickly got to the fridge.
I got some apples; some leftover block; milk for the refrigerator there; peanut butter; jelly; and bread; crackers; and chips and dip. That was my usual.
it needs to be more descriptive, and the paragraph needs to variety from each different topic, whether they are walking to the club house or by the creek. try and use your sensory, taste, touch, fetor, hear, and see. the more visual it is the more easier it is to understand.
xomauraaa | Jul 29, 2009
you have a tendency for detail, and you are approaching a command of motivation human behavior. I do not get a clear idea of who is who, age, or the actual location. Indite that in.
The drama of the moment is not clear, but it does have fire.
I cannot tell if it is a love story or a friendship, but the two involved have had a spat.
Then you go like greased lightning the action. You rush who's getting what from where and its mixed up about what things you got down and how the cover got to the floor. You don't say you live next door or close at hand, you just spring it on the reader when you say " I went to my house...."
Correct the spelling of threw--through. "The shrouded world" is intriguing. This ought to be where you start, so we know the characters when they are good first. Then the spat would have more histrionic effect.
You have the markings of a good writing. Keep working at it.
Is this fiction or nonfiction?
Sojo | Jul 29, 2009
Incredibly Good!! Work on the grammar a little. Also, use this tip my English teacher gave me. Write so that the reader cannot possibly miss the point of what you are trying to say. That will really change your writing.
cathy h | Jul 29, 2009
Can anyone recommend a good handbag for me or a good place to buy them?
Jul 29, 2009 by Andee | Posted in Fashion & Accessories
I'm looking for a large handbag to buy.
I want one that is probably about mid-sized, with enough room without looking huge.
I'm looking for something that will look splendid with casual clothing (jeans & a t-shirt type thing) and something that I don't have to color coordinate with (blacks, whites, tans, greys, etc are Sunday colors).
I'm looking for either a cross-body handbag or an over-the-shoulder bag.
I'm looking for something under $150 or so.
As far as materials go, I'm not too picky aside from the information that I'm *generally* not fond of the way patent leather looks (sometimes it's fine though), and I'm not fond of genuine leather.
If anyone could lead one to believe a good handbag for me and/or post a link to it, that would be excellent.
If not, what stores can you recommend for good handbags?
Thanks in help.
Thanks.
I'll check out their websites.
I'm realizing I'll probably have to budge on my price, but I can deal with that.
What do you think of my style (photo inside)?
Jul 29, 2009 by The boy from London | Posted in Fashion & Accessories
Is it okay, salutary, boring, cool? I am wearing:
* Grey fitted t-shirt
* Dark blue denim jeans (non-faded)
* Converses
* Menacing leather jacket
* A Union Jack (British flag) shoulder bag - because I am a Brit.
Another pic of the jacket: http://www.flickr.com/photos/jaimelondonboy/3161586696/sizes/l/
Thanks! :]
littlemissplendid: no I don't be in the same clothes everyday. I wear polo shirts and button down shirts too. :]
Dream Fear: yeah it's summer but it was a picayune cool in the evening (when I took this photo) so I wore the jacket.
Honey: the only reason I mentioned I clothed in it because I am a Brit is because people here on Y/A may wonder why I have that bag. I don't go around in public telling people I am British. :P
Which is the best way way to carry books have a bag that you carry on your side with a shoulder strap or carry?
Jul 29, 2009 by Dr. Feel Good | Posted in Fashion & Accessories
from a back mob on your back ? I was just wondering because I heard that some back packs with books in them can not always be good for your back ?
any suggestions for a good brand name ?
Jul 29, 2009 by jupiter | Posted in Fashion & Accessories
ok, i fundamental a good brand name for bags.. they are fabric bags, mostly designer printed fabrics.... shoulder bags, totes, etc...
thanks in deposit....
i think they are super important.. they have to create a desire in the potential buyers.... they represent your business in one word...
Best place to buy cute bags for school?
Jul 28, 2009 by summerchick18 | Posted in Fashion & Accessories
I neediness to find a cute over the shoulder bag for school! Anyone know of places to buy some cute ones?
Gucci Shoulder Bags, all Authentic and lovely! Here we have it at great prices, all NWT!! 
Urban Disguise 20 Shoulder Bag: The Think Tank Urban Disguise shoulder bags allow you to travel in style and pr... 
